Random Musings

I'm pretty sure half the people on my bus think I'm a stoner or something. I always have a hoodie over my face and earphones. Plus, I'm always slumped over and it looks like I could be passed out.
     To the people on my bus- I'm not a stoner, I promise. I'm just always tired, and so I sleep.on the bus.
     But seriously, when they see me sitting up texting, their looks of surprise are rather comical.
<3,
Lani

10 Random, Pointless Facts About Me

1) I will wear the same item of clothing overal and over between washes provided there are no noticable stains (we're talking like 5 times). With riding clothes, disregard the stain thing.
2) I have really flimsy nails. They have a tendency to break down the middle.
3) I write fanfiction.
3) I can't cook. Sticking things in the microwave is as close as it gets.
4) I hate white choclate. Milk is good, dark is even better.
5) I'll only cry from emotional pain, not physical.
6) I put a bunch of sugar and creamer in my coffee.
7) Despite being a first soprano, high notes still scare me (high being F and up).
8) I can type really fast, but only on my laptop because my fingers can't adjust to different keyboards.
9) I can't decide on a career. There's too much I want to do!
10) Since high school started, I've been skipping meals and have consequently lost weight. Not that I really needed to, but it still makes me happy.

Just Another Pissy Rant...

<p>Hey yall. Just a short rant here. I'm in the middle of a performance. I just got done with my one scene where I actually have a part, and I FORGOT TO TURN ON MY FUCKING MIKE. ARG. I feel like I'm either going to cry or start swearing. This was the show everyone I know came to, and I fucked up.
    So, I'm upset. I need a hug. And I need to hit something, because sometimes a girl just needs to cry, and sometimes a girl just needs to beat the shit ouy of someone/thing. See, this is why I need a boyfriend so I can hug him and cry on his shoulder and then punch him.
     I'm writing this on my phone and I keep hitting the wrong keys. It makes me want to throw my phone at a wall.
     Maybe I'm just pms-y. That'd explain alot.
    <3,
    Lani

I Think Too Much...

     I hate hairdryers. I'm currently sitting on my bed, drying my hair for musical tonight. My hair is absurdly long, and as such takes FOREVER to dry. Becausev of its length, it also has a tendency to get sucked into the hairdryer which sucks like you would not believe. I just got out of the shower and I'm my PJs. My pajamas make me look like a hooker. For instance, right now I've got freakishly tight that extend about three inches down from my hips and a button down that I didn't bother to button up. Subsequently, I discovered that it feels really weird if you aim the hairdryer at your stomach. I gotsta go get my stage makeup on, so adios.
<3,
Lani

Musical. Ah, Musical.

     I spent all day at musical rehearsal. My school's putting on Footloose, and I'm cast as a high school student and a member of Cowboy Bob's band (the guy who dances with Rusty and gets into a fight with Willard at the club). More on that in a sec. So, I was in the girl's dressing room, putting on my boots or whatever, and one of the stage managers walks in. This kid's a junior, and we'll call him Dack. Dack walks in on some very important stage-manager buisness. May I repemphasize that this is the girl's dressing room. All the girls shriek and yell at him to get out. He just rolls his eyes and yells
     "I don't even like girls!" Dack walks to the computer, effectivley shutting everyone up.
     "Are you seriously gay?" asks my friend. He turns to her and says with a completly straight face,
     "No, I'm comically gay." And walks out.
     I found that freaking hilarious.
     As a member of Cowboy Bob's band, I sing with one other band member, who shall be known as Amina, ans Cowboy Bob, played by Tim. Well, his name isn't actually Tim, but that's what I call him. Long story. So, we three decided to make up backstories for our characters so that Amina and I aren't just faceless backup singers. We actually have personalities.
     The story is this: all three of us are related (brother and sisters?). Tim is the douchebag cowboy who sleeps with everyone and has seven illegitimate children, and has to pay so much is child support that we have to go perform in country bars for him to pay it off. Amina is mad at him because he hits on so many girls. I am the ditzy younger sister. It's friggin hilarious and I love acting it.
     The original storyline was that Amina was mad at Tim because he slept with her boyfriend. Now that would have been interesting. But I had fun being ditzy. We've got it blocked so that whenever we move, Amina takes my hand and guides me around the bar, because I'm apparently too dumb to find my own way.
     And that, parents, is why you should let your childern audition for their high school's musical. They can practice acting to stupid to walk around a bar unattended.
<3,
Lani

Harry Potter Head Canons

     I have a new obsession. Well, not new exactly. Anyways, I have have discovered head canons. Specifically, Harry Potter Head Canons. I am a happy fangirl.
     If you don't know, a head canons is something a fanfiction author writes. It is a idea or opinion about a fictional universe that is not a canon fact (explicitly stated). Dude. They're addicting. A lot of them though, seem to be just excuses for a fan author to make their favorite characters screw. Here's a few pairings I've seen, and my subsequent opinion.
Ron x Hermione- Aw, cute! ^_^
Harry x Ginny- Aw! Adorable!
Luna x Neville- They're perfect for each other!
Dumbledore x Grindelwald- Moving right along...
Sirius x Minerva McGonagall- What the hell? Plus, he's too young for her
Hagrid x Umbridge- Umbridge is undeserving of love. No.
Draco x Hermione- LawlolawloFAIL. Romionie all the way.
Draco x Harry- Ew? Enemies does not equal unresolved sexual tension.
Ginny x Luna- I can't see either of them rolling that way.
Ginny x Hermione- Now what would their men say, hm?
Lupin x Tonks- AW! <3 *tear*
James x Lily- Cute :)
Sirius x Lupin- Erm, let's not.
Snape x McGonagall- Dude, wtf.
Snape x Hermione- DEAR GOD NO. KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
     That's all I can think of for now. There's lots of good ones out there. Some make you laugh, and others make you cry. Like this one.

George was not able to produce a Patronus after Fred died. Every happy memory he ever had was with Fred.

     *tears up* Anyways, I'll stop being a fangirl for now. Adios yall.
<3,
Lani

Sucky Stalkers

     I was looking at Ninja's blog, specifically her post about karate, which I found funny. I looked at her sidebar, and she has retitled 'Followers' as 'Stalkers Who Don't Show Up Because They're Good at What They Do'. ninja and  I have established that I am her stalker, but I, being a follower of her blog, show up. Does this mean I'm a fail stalker?
</3,
Lani
P.S. I apologize fpor any spelling errors, I typed this all with one hand. I had a poptart in the other.

Boy Drama

     I asked Romeo to our school's winter formal today. He said yes, but only as friends, and made it pretty clear he didn't like me in a romantic way. So I wrote him a letter.
     Dear Romeo,
     Alright, so I get it. You don't like me like that. I kinda figured, you know, but a girl can hope and that's what I was doing. You didn't outright reject me though. So, I'll just get on with this.
     Thanks for agreeing to go with me as friends, and thanks for being nice about it. I appreciate that. Did you notice my save-face when you said "I'll go with you as friends" and I chirped "Of course, that's what I meant!"? Just a hint for ya: whenever I'm talking that high pitched and chipper, I'm being fake and probably lying through my teeth.
     Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I consider you my friend first, crush second, so I'm not going to freak out. I respect that you don't like me like that and I'm not going to try and force you to feel any different. I'm happy to be your friend and if that's all I'll ever be then I'll learn to accept it and move on. I want you to be happy, really. So, I understand and I'm not mad. A little disappointed, yeah, but I'm cool overall. I'll be fine.
     Will I keep liking you, waiting in the wings for you to maybe, possibly feel the same? Probably. Do I feel a bit 'Forever Alone'? You betcha. I'll get over it though. Just give me one night to play my music really loudly, to stomp around, and to write long lettters, and you'll see me tommorow at school with my happy face securely in place. I'm good at that. I'm a freaking master of faking a good mood. If there was a degree for that, I'd have a PhD. But I'll be fine. Don't mind me.
<3,
Lani

HEY YOU.

YEAH. YOU. RIGHT THERE.
You're beautiful.
Felt the need to let ya know. :3
<3,
Lani

Everyone's Running From Something

     I went to my sister's dance recital today. It might not seem like a big thing, but remeber, I danced for ten years before I quit because I was being bullied my my two best friends. As such, I've got some emotional scars when it comes to dancing.
     Thank you, mother, for forcing me to rip them open today. Honestly, it cold have been worse. I only had to talk to one person from the studio, and the people who were awful to me don't dance there anymore. Still, it kinda sucked to have to sit in the audience, watching the dancers and thinking 'I can do that. I kind of want to do that again.' So that was painful, and my dad kept interrogating me about crap afterwards, apparently not noticing how hard I was trying not to cry. I spent the car ride home quietly being an emotional mess. Once I made it home, I went for a run. I hate running, but I do it anyways becasue it helps my riding, I can spend time with my dad, and it will hopefully get rid of the fat in stomach and butt, although I refer to my stomach fat as a 'protective covering for my rock-hard abs', and the last time I was running at the track, a couple of guys drove by and yelled out the window that I had a nice ass.
     ANYWAYS. I went for a run that was somewhere between three and five miles. I ran along a fairly busy street, which made me nervous because my parents have trained me to be paranoid, then in a park by my house where I saw Romeo's mother and sister, then back home through a really big neighborhood that has a bridge. I had fun runnign down the bridge. But I feel better now, even though I'm going to be sore as hell tommorow.

Here, have a picture of my bright yellow running shoes. They make me happy.

     On an unrelated note, I have my first follower! I love you, Ninja! :)
<3,
Lani
Edit: Damn, I keep forgetting to put titles! This title is a lyric from 'Rusty Halo' by The Script.

Turns Out They Were Ice Packs

     So, for Christmas, my dad got me a couple of these:

Source

     I hadn't a clue what they were and so I stuck them in the Magical Land of Things That Have Yet to Be Shoved in my Closet, aka the top of my dresser. So there they stayed, and I forgot about them, never discovering the purpose concealed within the blue plastic (they're ice packs for people who take their lunches to school, btw).
     My dad came into my room today, and asked me why I had unfrozen icepacks on my dresser. Having just realized that's what they were, I could not provide him with an answer. He looked at me like I was an idiot and then proceeded to check between my toes for heroin marks.
     I live in a weird family.
<3,
Lani

I GOT THE POW-AH!

     *I am doing homework listening to music when my dad walks in and slams the lid of my laptop down. My music stops playing.*     Dad: So, what do you think? (He randomly asks me this, just for no reason.)
     Me: ...You stopped my music.
     Dad: Yes. I have the power.
     Me: To stop my music?
     Dad: Yes.
     ... My father sounds like Cleverbot. o_O
<3,
Lani

I'm Changing My Blog. Again.

     Hello to all. So yeah, I'm changing this thing again, because my blog has become less of an analysis of others and more of my random ramblings. So, I've decided to put a spin on it. I've looked through blogspot and through the links on The Bloggess, and just about every single one is a mommy blog. Or, a parent blog, to be politically correct. I come from the other end of the spectrum, the kid.
     So, my blog has been adjusted to reflect the life of a kid growing up under two parents. Specifically, a teenage kid, which just adds even more fun to the equation. Not. So, adios.
<3,
Lani

If I Go Crazy Then Will You Still Call Me Superman?

     I just read The Bloggess' posts about depression. I wish I was that brave. I'm feeling inspired now, so I figured I'd come clean and talk about some of the stuff that's wrong with me. If reading this will change your perception of me to someone who's 'dangerous' and 'needs help', please don't read. I'm still the same person I've always been. I'm just very good at hiding my dark side.     It's probably already pretty obvious that I struggle with depression. I have since elementary school, but it got bad in 8th grade. Part of it might have been because that was when I quit dance, which had been a major part of my life for 10 years. Two of my best friends who I considered my sisters randomly decided to hate me. Now, when someone starts getting all pissy with me, I can usually ignore it, and if it gets really bad I'll bitch right back, but when it's your best friend, it completley knocks down all your defenses. My depression got really bad, so I compensated by putting on an extra-happy face at school. My ex-best friend started calling me all sorts of names behind my back (and sometimes to my face), spreading rumors about me, purposely knocking me down and refusing to dance with me when we were partners. It absolutley tore me apart. When the suicidal thoughts started, I knew I needed to quit. The suicidal thoughts mostly stopped, but I was still in a fog.
     My depression moves in cycles. I go through periods of extreme lows, and then highs where I just love life and everything is great. Basically, I have mood swings like you would not believe and it sucks. I've never actually cut myself, mostly because the knives I keep in my room are really dull and I'm a wuss about everything that breaks the skin, plus I have other ways of inflicting pain on myself. I'm an athlete, remeber? Pain is what I do.
     I know I'm not alone in my fight. I have a good friend who has been diagnosed with depression and talks openly about seeing psycologists and whatnot. I can't tell you how incredibly brave she is. I don't think a lot of people notice whenever I'm suffering from a low, simply because I'm a really good liar. My own parents have no idea. My mom didn't notice because she could care less about me. Life would get easier for her if I died. As for my dad, I don't want him to know because I'm scared of disappointing him. He's Superman to me. Plus, if I told a parent it'd be my mother because I don't really care what she thinks of me, and then I'd turn into a child who needs help and must me kept under control and constantly watched. I don't want that. I want to be left alone.
     So yeah. I've heard there's a few people who hate me/are jealous because they think I'm perfect. That makes me laugh. I'm screwed up, I just know how hide it is all.
     This is the first time I have ever been public about my inner demons, and it's pretty hard for me to write this, knowing people might read it. If you've made it this far, don't judge me. Just accept me, please. You have to realize how terrified I am of being judged and looked down on. I act like nothing bothers me, but the truth is that I care very much.
     Romeo has this catchphrase where he says to me "You need help" and then to Ninja "you, even more so". I smile and laugh, but I can't seem to squash that tiny little voice that says "you have no idea."
     I'm sorry to dump all this. I just... I don't know. Don't try to fix me, I don't need help. I'm fine. It'll pass.
<3,
Lani
P.S. Just listen to Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. That describes me so perfectly it's scary. That's also where my title is from.

I Don't Do Romance, Really...

     Anyone care to hear about my fail of a love life? No? TOO BAD, SUCKAH. Anyways. So there's this guy I like. Let's call him Romeo, becaue he is the least romantic, most romantically oblivious guy ever, and irony amuses me. So, I sit with him and Ninja at luch, and he gave me a piece of choclate yesterday. I returned the favor today (but I had one for Ninja and Mandolin as well beacause I'm a wimp. And I love my friends.) I've known Romeo since 5th grade, when we were best friends. Now that I look back, I think I might have a little bit of a crush on him back then. We went to different junior highs, and when I saw him at the end of 8th grade, my first thought was Wow, he got cute. My choir buddies don't agree with me, and I spend my time with my other friends doing stuff besides talking about boys, like preparing for the zombie apocalypse. But seriously, in choir, everyone only talks about boys. -__- I can only stay in Teenage Girl Mode for so long.
     One of the girls in choir is my buddy. who we'll call Pug because that's what I think of every time I hear her last name. Romeo is her ex. She knows I like him and she's okay with it because we'd "be so cute!!! I mean, you're both so awkward! You'd be perfect together!" Thanks, Pug. Anyways, she dumped Romeo because he was 'awkward'. She did it over a text and broke his heart. She seems relativley unconcerned by this. This makes me want to give Romeo a hug (but I won't, cause I think that'd freak him out).
     I'll probably write more about this later, because I'm tired right now. So adios.
<3,
Lani

A Run-In With the Law...

     I went over to the house of my best friend TennisChild yesterday. I haven't seen her in a while, so that was nice. Being teenage girls, we went to bed at llike 4:30. My friend's older sister was home from college and had one of her friends over. At around 11:15, the friend, TennisChild, and I all went on a walk. Yeah, it was dark and whatever, but it was around the neigborhood. After like a quarter of an hour, this cop pulls up behind us and tells us we need to go home (apparently there was a curfew). We say yes sir and head back. We walk half a block, he pulls up behind us again, and makes us get in his car so he can take us home.
     At this point, we're all freaked out and don't particularly want to get in the car, but he's a police officer, so there's not much we can do. He takes us back to my friends house, lectures her mom about the curfew and leaves.
     The curfew in TennisChild's neighborhood is from 12:01 to 5:00. The policeman picked us up at 12:03. TennisChild and I are both only one year too young to be exempt from curfew, and we were walking with TennisChild's sister's friend, who was 19. Wow...
      Still, I was a freaked out. The man didn't show us any sort of identification to prove he was a cop, we only knew because his car had 'police' written discreetly on the side, and he had a patch on his shirt. If he'd found out I wasn't TennisGirl's sister and called my mother... I would have been in such deep shit. *shudders* But anyways, that was the most interesting thing that happened to me over break. Hm.
<3,
Lani