I just attended Zarina's play! I found it very entertaining. She was attacked by a cricket and managed to keep her cool. That's class, people. Class.
First off, it was a dinner theater sort of thing, and the cast helped with the serving because they were understaffed. Let me just say that I was much more comfortable having Zarina as a waitress than I am at most restraunts. Because I hate people and stuff.
I put lots of sweetener in my tea, and it got on my fingers and looked like crack.
The table was rickety and cutting your meat made it jiggle.
We were provided with two forks, one for salad and one for the entree. Let me point out that everyone except me knew which fork to use when, and by everyone I mean my mother, various family, and my seven-year-old sister. Do they learn to differentiate between cutlery in grade school now?
So, all the actors were also waiters. I made a few wactress jokes that nobody found funny except for me.
There were lots of old buildings in the area. I was geeking out. It just really made me want to go and explore. My inner five year old is very prominent.
Because Zarina and I are related, I was obligated to be a total jerk to her and demand repeatedly that my steak be cooked medium rare. They were already cooked. She assured me she'd get right on it and then walked away. Rude. Ahaha I'm such a jerkass. Hahaha. Ha. Heh.
I would like to point out that I have had Harry Potter in 99 Seconds stuck in my head for hours now. Hours.
Dead cricket on the floor.
Live cricket on the floor.
Play was good and stuff. Yay!
<3,
Lani
I'm so confused.
ReplyDeleteAnd as a fellow writer, I'm going to insult you using many questions and call it constructive criticism. DETAILS WOMAN DETAILS.
Did the cricket have a knife? Did it threaten to cut her? Was it a giant cricket, like person-sized, or just the size of a small dog? Do crickets attack people now? Are they part of the zombie apocalypse? Was it a zombie cricket? Did the cricket have a gun? Did your cuz fight it off using slow motion kung fu moves? Is your cuz secretly Bruce Lee? Can I have her/his autograph? Why didn't you tell me you were related to Bruce Lee? Is cricket wrangler a professional job now? CAN WE MAKE IT A PROFESSIONAL JOB NOW? Is a cricket hit-man also a new job? Can I get surgery to become a cricket so I can have that job? Did the cricket monologue while attacking her? Did the cricket try to eat her? Did the cricket play its legs in a singing like bug concert thing while attacking her? By keeping her cool is that a clever pun meaning she secretly has the ability to shoot ice out of her hands so she froze the cricket? Did the cricket have a name? A wife? Kids? A 401K? Did it have dreams? DID THAT POOR CRICKET HAVE DREAMS? MAYBE IT JUST WANTED MONEY SO IT COULD AFFORD TO PUT ITSELF THROUGH COLLEGE. MAYBE IT JUST WANTED A LOAN. MAYBE IT JUST WANTED A HUG. DID YOUR COUSIN EVER THINK OF THAT, HUH? DID THE CRICKET JUST WANT A HUG?
I'm not ashamed I wasted five minutes of my life writing that.