Monday, August 13, 2012

I'm Funny When I'm High...

I've got a wisdom tooth coming in. Just one, on the bottom right of my mouth, so it;s the bottom left if you're looking at it facing me, but whatever. Anyways, tooth. It hurts like a mother, considering it's punching it's way out of my face pointy-side first and all. So my solution is lots of Orajel and Tylenol, except all we have in our house is the low-dose chewable orange-flavored stuff, so I have to take like eight for them to work. And I think I've accidentally eaten a good amount of Orajel.

Anyways, I accidentally put too much Orajel in my face, and I realized that I have gums. I mean, it's not like I didn't know they were there before, but your tongue is always touching them and they're like walls in your mouth. I told this to Jetplane and she said they were rather blockade-esque. See, people? This woman understands me.

Also, teeth are really sharp. Like, I-have-many-bladed-knives-in-my-mouth sharp. Knives and walls. How am I the only one to notice this??

Continuing with my recent revelations, lizards are fucking ninjas. (To clarify, I meant to use 'fucking' as an adjective, not a verb, because if I used it as a verb it would imply the ninjas and lizards are getting it on, which is not what I meant at all.) But seriously, have you ever just watched a lizard? They can jump like, really far and shit. And hang upside down from sticks.

<3,
Lani

P.S. Upon reviewing this, I realized that I have probably, in the last few days, taken enough Tylenol to kill an elephant and accidentally eaten about half my tube of "Generic Oral Anesthetic". I am going to post this anyways because I am hilarious when I'm doped up. Heh.

P.P.S. I feel I should clarify the title. I'm not high, nor have I ever been, but "I'm Funny When I'm High" has a nicer ring than "I'm Mildy Entertaining on Lots of Chewable Tylenol".


P.P.P.S. I think maybe the Tylenol still hasn't worn off.

3 comments:

  1. Has your tongue started waving around to say hi? Because that shit happens all the time when I'm high.

    We should go to the dentist together one day. The conversations would be amazing.

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  2. Oh, Lani... OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND YOU!! We made it through Parsons' APHuG class together, didn't we??

    Love ya to the moon and back!!

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