I'm Funny When I'm High...

I've got a wisdom tooth coming in. Just one, on the bottom right of my mouth, so it;s the bottom left if you're looking at it facing me, but whatever. Anyways, tooth. It hurts like a mother, considering it's punching it's way out of my face pointy-side first and all. So my solution is lots of Orajel and Tylenol, except all we have in our house is the low-dose chewable orange-flavored stuff, so I have to take like eight for them to work. And I think I've accidentally eaten a good amount of Orajel.

Anyways, I accidentally put too much Orajel in my face, and I realized that I have gums. I mean, it's not like I didn't know they were there before, but your tongue is always touching them and they're like walls in your mouth. I told this to Jetplane and she said they were rather blockade-esque. See, people? This woman understands me.

Also, teeth are really sharp. Like, I-have-many-bladed-knives-in-my-mouth sharp. Knives and walls. How am I the only one to notice this??

Continuing with my recent revelations, lizards are fucking ninjas. (To clarify, I meant to use 'fucking' as an adjective, not a verb, because if I used it as a verb it would imply the ninjas and lizards are getting it on, which is not what I meant at all.) But seriously, have you ever just watched a lizard? They can jump like, really far and shit. And hang upside down from sticks.

<3,
Lani

P.S. Upon reviewing this, I realized that I have probably, in the last few days, taken enough Tylenol to kill an elephant and accidentally eaten about half my tube of "Generic Oral Anesthetic". I am going to post this anyways because I am hilarious when I'm doped up. Heh.

P.P.S. I feel I should clarify the title. I'm not high, nor have I ever been, but "I'm Funny When I'm High" has a nicer ring than "I'm Mildy Entertaining on Lots of Chewable Tylenol".


P.P.P.S. I think maybe the Tylenol still hasn't worn off.

A Trip to the Library

AH WENT TO TEH LIBERRY GUISE.

First off, I went looking like a band nerd, what with my taped up toe, ponytail, shorts tan lines, and music camp T-shirt.

And then I geeked out over classical literature.

List of Books I Checked Out:
- Dante's Inferno (So excited about this one. Like, you don't even know)
- The Iliad (Again, so freaking excited.)
- A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway (This one's for school, but I'm still pretty pumped.)
- Android Karenina by Leo Tolstoy/Ben H. Winters (Just... awesomeness. It's a revamped Anna Karenina.)
- A Little History of the World by E.H. Gombrich (Again, for school.)
- Beowulf (This one has both the Old English and the translation. It's a bit daunting, I'll admit, but I couldn't resist.)
- and a biography of Sam Houston for some stupid essay contest my mother wants me to enter.

And then I checked out a porn novel to piss off my parents. I flipped through it in the car and hot damn. It's got a shirtless man torso on the cover. Is it sad that this is how I rebel? Also, there's vampires, but from what I've seen it's not stupid like Twilight and they incinerate in the sun like they should.

Then, as I was coming out of the library with my gigantic stack of books, I saw a girl dressed similar to me going in with a gigantic stack of books. We gave each other the badass nod. I love fellow nerds.

<3,
Lani

Please Tell Me My Problems Are Normal

I am going to keep complaining about my toe. I've never broken a bone before, guys, this is a new thing for me!

I went on WebMD because boredom. WebMD basically said "you broke your toe, stupid." Or I could have thrombocytophenia. But it's probably just broken. And by broken I mean a tiny little fracture.

So, I happen to wake up all the time and think "I really don't want to bother with brushing my hair." But I can't just not brush it because my hair is waist length and if I don't I'll be halfway to dreads by the end of the day. Please tell me I'm not the only one with this problem.

Music and horses are the best things ever. And also the main components of my life.

Ninja says I should use my money from the essay contest for a nerdy T-shirt. I'm considering it. Plus, I have a $50 savings bond from a different essay contest, so I can buy ALL the T-shirts!

I should enter essay contests for a living. I'd be like a starving artist, but not as cool. I have based this career choice on the fact that I have won two essay contests ever.

Oh, and I was totally kidding earlier about being a semi-finalist. I was a finalist. Meh. Same difference.

<3,
Lani