Sunday, July 28, 2013

A Pearl of Wisdom From Me to You

Dearest Readers:

When you are texting an attractive boy at 12:42 AM after you have had a serious emotional conversation and you are in the process of saying goodnight, as in the example below-

Him: Sweet dreams, [Insert Nickname Here]... *yawn*
You: Shut up and go to sleep
Him: Maybe you should ask nicely xD

Do not, I repeat, do not send him Go the Fuck to Sleep through picture messages. That is a Bad Move on your part.

Goddamit did I really just do that yes I did.

Stay tuned for future failures from your favorite fuck-up!


Okay it wasn't all that bad 'cause he kinda just laughed it off and I think we're okay but wow really Lani this guy just poured his heart out to you and you send him "You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep."

Guess who wins all the awards for sensitivity and excellent communication skills? Not fucking me.


Sunday, July 21, 2013


So I've been gone for a while. And by a while, I mean almost ten months. Whoops.

Why? The short answer is that my depression got better, then it got worse, and I'm not really sure what it's doing right now.

I don't have a long answer for you, because I really don't know why I gave up on this blog.

But hey, I'm back! (Hopefully.) You can all return to reading about my shitty teenage problems! It's enticing, I know.

Also, I seem to have gained like five followers during my break. So hello, I guess. Welcome? Enjoy your stay?

Quick Rundown of My Life at the Moment:

- I've turned sixteen.
- I'm still so virginal it hurts.
- My horse has been sold (which was a good thing, so yes, I'm alright with it).
- If possible, I'm even more of a bitch than I was before.

So that should be sufficient. Honestly, I'm glad to be back. I really am.


Friday, October 19, 2012


I am back from my hiatus that was totally not a hiatus at all. I don't know.

Anyways, I don't feel like writing a 5 page expository essay on all the stuff that has happened, so I'm just going to start with stuff that happened today.

All I have to say is that Fangirl (known as SeaHorse on Ninja's blog) had better hope that gel highlighters come out of denim. Otherwise she owes me a pair of jeans.

All of my friends are fabulous and beautiful. I love you all dearly.

Anyways, my mother is pissed at me all the time and I don't know why, my dad getting all meddlesome and controlling about my grades even though I have straight A's, thanks very much, and I just really want to move out right now, okay?


I'm tired of writing now.


Saturday, September 29, 2012

No More Sluttiness For Me

Today was homecoming. T'was sort of fun. I guess.

I made 12th chair at choir district auditions.

I have also realized that I have been acting like a lesbian whore to get a boyfriend, so I am going to stop that.

I might go into more detail on this later. I don't know. I'm really tired at the moment.


Friday, September 28, 2012


Well shit, I'm not dead after all.

What happened is that I was gone for awhile, and awhile got longer and longer because I was putting off writing a "I've-been-gone-and-here's-what's-happened" post.

So I won't.

Anyways, today was the homecoming carnival at school and it was a lot of fun. I hung out with Mirandola, Jetplane (who I never anymore and it's awful), Ninja (who I don't see either (equally awful)), and a girl in my choir who I shall call SopranoBuddy for now.

We did normal teenage girl stuff, I serenaded everybody because I'm fabulous, and yeah. Then SopranoBuddy left and it was our little group of three. Romeo came and hung out for a while too. And it was all very fun.

(This is totally just a post about all the random shit on my mind.)


Monday, August 13, 2012

I'm Funny When I'm High...

I've got a wisdom tooth coming in. Just one, on the bottom right of my mouth, so it;s the bottom left if you're looking at it facing me, but whatever. Anyways, tooth. It hurts like a mother, considering it's punching it's way out of my face pointy-side first and all. So my solution is lots of Orajel and Tylenol, except all we have in our house is the low-dose chewable orange-flavored stuff, so I have to take like eight for them to work. And I think I've accidentally eaten a good amount of Orajel.

Anyways, I accidentally put too much Orajel in my face, and I realized that I have gums. I mean, it's not like I didn't know they were there before, but your tongue is always touching them and they're like walls in your mouth. I told this to Jetplane and she said they were rather blockade-esque. See, people? This woman understands me.

Also, teeth are really sharp. Like, I-have-many-bladed-knives-in-my-mouth sharp. Knives and walls. How am I the only one to notice this??

Continuing with my recent revelations, lizards are fucking ninjas. (To clarify, I meant to use 'fucking' as an adjective, not a verb, because if I used it as a verb it would imply the ninjas and lizards are getting it on, which is not what I meant at all.) But seriously, have you ever just watched a lizard? They can jump like, really far and shit. And hang upside down from sticks.


P.S. Upon reviewing this, I realized that I have probably, in the last few days, taken enough Tylenol to kill an elephant and accidentally eaten about half my tube of "Generic Oral Anesthetic". I am going to post this anyways because I am hilarious when I'm doped up. Heh.

P.P.S. I feel I should clarify the title. I'm not high, nor have I ever been, but "I'm Funny When I'm High" has a nicer ring than "I'm Mildy Entertaining on Lots of Chewable Tylenol".

P.P.P.S. I think maybe the Tylenol still hasn't worn off.

Sunday, August 5, 2012


I pulled a tick off Juliet the other day and now her neck is swelling up from the bite. And it's a really big area that's swollen, too. Like, it's the size of my hand, big.

I don't know what, if any, diseases ticks can transfer to horses, but I'm scared, guys.

So, pray for my horse please? I don't care if you're not religious, do it anyway. This is my horse we're talking about.